The day stuff happened
by foo19
Summary: Astaroth is being mean. Seung Mina, Kilik, and Talim have all gone off to, well, do something about it. Beware! Story is very stupid. Please don't review saying quote: Your story is stupid. Thank you.
1. Ths story begins

The story begins...  
  
Ahem. Before you read the story, I have just a few things to say. This is the first SERIOUS story I've ever written. Don't expect it to be any good. The next couple chapters will be longer. I think Seung Mina is hot. Do not mock me. I am a loser. I come from Wisconsin. Long live the Packers.  
  
Thank you  
  
This is the story of three little munchkins named Kilik, Talim, and Mina. They lived happy, happy, happy, happy, happy lives. UNTIL ONE DAY...  
  
"I've got good news, and I've got bad news kids." Mina's dad said. "OH NO!" They all said stupidly in unison. "The good news is that I found a nickel." "Hooray!" The three cheered. "The bad news is: The evil lord Astaroth has risen again." "OH NO!" They all said again. "What shall we do?" "Um ah, I don't know." And with that , he waddled away. "Oh no!" Kilik said. "Astaroth has risen again!" "Oh wait!" "We could stupidly run away from home, and stop him ourselves!" "Kilik, Talim began, "That's a great idea!" "Only one thing, how do we know where he is, and how to get there?" "I know," Mina said, Let's board that airplane that says: "TO WHEREVER THE HECK ASTAROTH MIGHT BE" "Wait, Talim said, They didn't have airplanes in the 16th century." "They do now." Kilik answered. The three then entered the plane. Ten minutes, forty-five seconds, and eighteen milliseconds later, the plane took off. "Excuse me,"Kilik said, "But you don't have to be that oddly specific." "But it's fun!" said the narrator." "Yeah, but it's scary." Kilik answered back.

Not long after takeoff, there was some kind of sputtering noise. "What was that?" Mina said suddenly. The sputtering happened again. (Please feel free to make an odd sputtering noise with your lips to emphasize the paragraph.) Suddenly, the plane jolted. It jolted again. Then it jolted some more. Then more and more it jol... "Alright already!" Talim yelled. "You're making us all sick!" "Just crash the plane!" "Fine!" the narrorator yelled back. "I was just trying to make it more dramatic." "ok, ok, where was I?" "Ah yes."

CCCCRRRRAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH & stuff.

The plane's engine had stalled, and they had hit a cliff. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" yelled the pilot that nobody reading this story knew existed. "ABANDON SHIP!"

The plane would soon explode. Kilik, Talim and Mina had no choice but to jump.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They all screamed as they hit the ground and died instantly.

Just kidding.

Of course they were falling at tremendous speeds, but Mina then saw something. "I know, let's take those conveniently placed parachute backpacks floating in midair right next to us." "But they didn't have parachutes in the 16th century." Talim said. "They do now!" Kilik said back. They all got a parachute, and pulled the string. They then landed gently on the ground. They landed in a happy meadow filled with beautiful cows. It was the most beautiful place in the world: Wisconsin

Well, that's the first chapter. The second one is coming soon. Until then, write reviews. LOTS of them. Long live the Packers. HOORAY DARREN SHARPER! THE GREATEST DEFENSIVE BACK EVER!


	2. Wisconsin

Um, hi, and welcome to the second chapter of my first soul calibur fan fiction story thingiemajig. First , befor you read, let's straighten some things out. I am a twelve-year-old pervert that is obsessed with basketball, football, and other stuff. I think Seung Mina is hot. You must think your pretty cool. Stop looking at me like that. I love Wisconsin. Long live the Packers.

"Wow!" Mina said. "Wisconsin!" "Hey," Talim said. "How did you know we were in Wisconsin?" "Well," Mina answered back, "For one thing, the narrator just told me." "Oh" said Talim. "Hey, Kilik said, "Accordind to this genetic tracking device, We are just two miles away from where Astaroth is." "You mean, Green Bay?" "Home of the Packers?" Mina asked. "Yup." said Kilik. "Hey, Talim said, "There were no genetic tracking devices in the 16th century." "There are now" said Kilik. "And what about the Packers?" "They didn't exist until three hundred years later!" Talim added. "They exist now." Mina said. "Blame it on the perverted twelve year old narrator that thinks I'm hot, and threw this story together in fifteen minutes."

The three youngins who are older than me and think I'm perverted (which is true) walked on.

"Look at that!" Kilik said in awe. "How are we going to penetrate such a huge thingie built right on top of Lambeau field?" "I know Talim said. "Let's eat it!" To thier surprise, the fortress was made out of marshmellows. "Nibble nibble nibble, who's that nibbling at my fortress thingie?" Said a voice from inside. "The wind the...er, um, we never read Hansel and Gretel." The three answered. "Oh," said the voice again. "Let's try something else." "Um." "Oh yes." "Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin." "Oh." Kilik said. "We can't blow down your fortress either." "Ok." The voice said, "Why don't I come out and knock you out?" "That'll work" Talim said.

Just then, a tall muscular guy came out. He had a giant boulder attached to a stick. It was the dark lord: Astaroth.

"Ok he said. "This won't hurt a bit." He said and smacked all three of them with the boulder.

They all remembered no more.

Ok, I lied. This chapter was even shorter than the first. Don't blame me, this is just I nice place to end a chapter. Don't look at me like that! Stop mocking me! LONG LIVE THE GREEN BAY PACKERS!!!


	3. The marshmellow fortress

If you're reading this, then you're a good person. Again, before you read, a couple things I want to point out. I'm getting better at writingstories. Wisconsin is cool. I can name the starting lineup for the Green Bay Packers, Milwaukee Bucks, Los Angeles Lakers, Detroit Pistons, and St. Louis Rams. All who do not like Wisconsin are evil. Finally, ONE DAY EVERY TOUNGE SHALL CONFESS THAT JESUS IS OUR GOD AND SAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The story continues...

"Where are we?" Mina groaned. "Why, you're in Astaroth's marshmellowy lair conviniently located at Lambeau Field, Green Bay, Wisconsin." "Oh" said Mina. "Until then, how about some music?" asked the guard. "Um, S-sure." Mina said uncertianly. The gaurd threw a CD player on her ears, and turned it on. "Oh no." Mina began to say. "NO!" NNNOOOOOO!!!" "NOT THE BLACK EYED PEAS!"

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The guard laughed.He laughed, and laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

Talim later woke up to see another guard standing right in front of her. "This story isn't going anywhere." She said to the guard dude guy thing. "Yeah, you're right." He said. "It's all thanks to the perverted twelve year old who thinks Mina is hot and threw this story together in fifteen minutes." "Well what do you want to do?" Talim asked. "Well , Someone is tourturing your friend with the Black Eyed Peas in the other room, and your chained to the wall." "How about some chess?" The guard said. "Hey!" Said the perverted twelve year old narrator. "Your not supposed to do that!" "Tourture, or something!" "You're taking out the dramatic effects!" "Fine" said the guard. "Just give us ten minutes." "Go watch Kilik, or something, and come back later.

"So, where are your friends now?" Astaroth said mockingly. "You beefy fool!" Kilik said back. "I'll rip your pancreas out through your inflated thighs!" "Is that so?" Astaroth said. "Well then," Bobby, untie him!" "So then, munchkin, we're going to have a duel."

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Mina screamed. To much...mediocore singing!" "Had enough?" The guard asked. "Yes." Mina said. "Okay, the guard said." Consessions are down the hall. " "Go to the other room to watch your friend duel Astaroth." "Okay." Mina said. "Thank You for being a very undramatic guard and not slaughtering me." "Your Welcome." The guard said.

"Hey, Talim!" Mina said. "You made it too." "Yup. Kilik's about to duel Astaroth." "Ok men." said the ref. Fair play,and shake hands. "May the better manwin." Kilik said as he drew out his staff. Astaroth swung his axe at Kilik. He ducked, grabbed the axe, threw it, stupidly dropped his staff, and kicked Astaroth.

"Ouch!" "That hurt, you doggone kid, but now I will have my revenge! Said Astaroth menecingly.

Mina and Talim watched intently as Kilik got seven shades of crap beaten out of him.

Ow! No, I only have one of those! OW! That doesn't go that way! Ow! No, that only goes...ow! OOO! That hurts OW that didn't feel right ow OW! OUCH! AHHHH! OH!!! GAAA!!AHHH!

Thus ends another chapter. Kilik is being beat up by a muscular fatty, Talim and Mina are watching closely while eating a tin of popcorn, and a perverted twelve year old is sitting in front of the computer typing up another chapter of this corny story. By the way, I like corn. MMMMM corn. Long live the Packers. Praise the Lord. Chapter 4 coming soon.


	4. The worst chapter

CHAPTER 4...

THAT'S RIGHT!

CHAPTER 4...

(Please note that this is the WORST chapter I've written so far. ENJOY!)

I haven't written in a long time, so let me say a couple of things. Bad reviews hurt my feelings. So if you have something mean to say, SHUT UP! Thank you.

THAT'S RIGHT the Packer's crush all!

BUT… DARREN SHARPER GOT SIGNED TO THE VIKINGS! OF ALL THE TEAMS, WHY THE VIKINGS? Stupid Culpepper.

ANYWAY, I just heard this great joke, ok, A neutron walked into a store to buy something. Guess what the cashier said? No charge for you! BAHAHA!

THAT'S A NERD JOKE, but wait a minute, I AM A NERD! YAY!

The story continues…

" Kilik! Mina said. "Wake up!"

"Huh?" Kilik asked.

"Kilik, it was all just a dream!"Mina said.

Really?

No! We're all going to die!

Oh crap.

Just then, a guard came through the door.

"Okay, Astaroth is sharpening his axe for your execution, and should be done in a couple of hours." Until then, you can watch the "Matrix", or the "Tigger Movie." "Which one?"

After watching Roo save Tigger from the avalanche for the 8th time, ( by the way, my sister got the tigger movie for Christmas, it's AWSOME!) Astaroth came through the door.

Alright fools, get on to the walls, and chain yourselves to the wooden thingie! Astaroth said.

The munchkins did as they were told. The wood was then detached, and brought outside, where hundreds of muscular fatties stood outside waiting to see Kilik, Talim and Seung Mina be cruelly beaten by a milk jug. (Nobody knows why Astaroth sharpened his axe)

It was at that moment someone threw some tater tots at Astaroth.

"OH NO!" Astaroth yelled. "I'm allergc to bacon!' "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The person who threw them tots was none other than Maxi. ( Happy now? You, person who wanted Maxi in this story.)

The Asian Elvis wannabe then disappeared. Kilik, Talim, and Seung Mina then got up and ran away. ( I don't know how, but I'm not good at action stories)

TO BE CONTINUED….

Until then, my name is foo19, I AM a pervert, GB will crush all, and go 16-0 next season, YAY JESUS, and since D-Sharp is a Viking ( Stupid Culpepper) GO JAVON WALKER! CRUSH ALL WITH THOSE WIDE RECIEVER CATCHIN THINGIE SKILLS!

Wow, this chapter was short.


	5. Lookin fo' da punk wit da stick

CHA CHA CHAPTER 5 !

YAY !

Okay, like usual, I have a few things to say, Pack crush all, go Javon Walker, Bucks crush all, go Michael Redd, Jesus crush all, HOORAY !

AND WHY CAN'T I WRITE LONG CHAPTERS ! THIS CHAPTER IS $#$ING SHORT !

And also, for that guy who keeps telling me to put in SC characters I didn't want to put in, I have stuff to tell you…In THIS story, Taki, Yunsung, Hwang and Voldo will make a cameo. Heck, to make sure your happy, I'll even put Darth Vader in it ! And the NEXT time you tell me how to run a story, I'll give you a $#$ing TIME-OUT !

THE STORY CONTINUES…

Mina Kilik and Talim were running away, as they escaped the beating of a milk jug from

Astaroth. As they were running, Kilik slipped into a hole.

OH Crap ! NOOOOO ! Kilik yelled. Save Me !

Unfortunately, Mina and Talim thought he was a cow, and kept running.

Buhahahahaahahahaha ! said a voice. (and when I say said, I mean said. It didn't laugh. It said. )

I Got you now !

The figure took a step forward. Kilik saw who the figure was. It was Astaroth.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Kilik said.

Several hours later, Mina and Talim realized that Kilik was gone.

Hey, Mina said, where's that guy with the stick ?

He has been kidnapped. Said a voice

Who's there ? Asked Talim

A guy fell out of the trees. Some call me the beacon of death, others call me the guy who does the worm, but you my friends, can cll me Voldo, and I'm a man. Heck, I'm a Female Man !

It was at that moment a wrecking ball came and knocked Voldo into Minnesota. (Stupid Culpepper)

ANYWAY…

When Kilik woke up, he realized that several people were standing over him.

Yo, dawg, said one. Astaroth says here dat you's a new slave. You's gotta do what he says. Ya'll got 23 hour and 59 minute workshifts, and a 1 minute spanking shift. NOW GET TO WORK,FOO !

After then, Kilik had nothing, but to do stuff.

SLAVE ! said Astaroth, Get Me Hot Water !

Slave ! Go wash the windows !

Slave ! Rub oil on my back as I lick honey of your A$$ !

It seemed as though Kilikcould stand it no longer, until he heard a voice. (Sorry about all the voices, but that's the best I can think of)

Hey you ! said the voice.

Kilik immediatley recognized the person.

It was Yunsung, from the dojo.

Hey ! Look at Me ! said Yunsung, I'm Yunsung !

Next to him was Hwang.

Hey ! Look at me ! said Hwang. I'm Hwang ! The guy in the original Soul Edge, and was run out of buisness by Yunsung. And you know what ? I'm going to kill him !

Hey, foo, I'd like to see you try ! said Yunsung.

And at that moment, the same wrecking ball knocked Both of them to Minnesota.

Mina and Talim were looking around for Kilik when they saw a shop. A plastic Surgeon shop.

Oh, let's see if someone in there knows where Kilik is ! Talim said

They both walked in, and saw,well if you've played Soul Calibur, you know who.

It was Taki, prostetic boobs and all.

Um, hi. Mina said. Hace you seen ,uh guy with a stick ?

I sure have. Said Taki, and Several women too.

Oh, uh, not that stick, a, um staff. Replied Talim

Isn't that the same thing ? Taki asked.

Then the door suddenly burst open. (No, a wrecking ball will not knock Taki into Minnesota. Even though I don't like her, People will get mad at me if I do.)

In walked a man in a cloak and a mask.

I can take you to the one you seek. He said.

THE STORY CONTINUES…

Okay, um that's the end of the 5th cahpter. Yes, Vader will be in it, maybe Taki, and, hopefully no more wrecking balls.

Until then, Hooray, Pack, hooray Bucks, and HOORAY GOD !

Jeez, this is short.


	6. The semi long chapter!

CHAPTER 6! WOO HOO! YAY! ALL RIGHHT! YAY!

Okay. Hello people. I haven't written in a while, so ah, yeah. I couldn't write because my friend came over, and then we were on the computer, and then we did, ah you don't care.

ANYWAY…

The Packers are 2-9 this season, and Javon Walker broke his leg. Hmm. Now I'm sad.

ANYWAY…

The story continues.

"Gah!" said Kilik. "I can't take much more of this!"

"Slave!" yelled a guy. "Get the $#! over here right now!" "I got a bunion the size of Mount Rushmore that needs some rubbin'!" Now get over here!"

Kilik then swore under his breath.

"What did you just say boy?"

"Erm, I, uh, didn't say anyth….

"YOU SHUT THE $#!$ UP,FOOL!" "I GONNA GIVE Y'ALL A LICKIN WITH MY PANTS! Y'ALL NEVER GONNA USE SUCH FOUL LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF A LADY!

Though Kilik hadn't noticed it, the person who had said that, was a lady.

No lie. Seriously.

Really. So, have you seen Lord of the Rings? It's kind of like that. The women Dwarves have beards. But in this case, female, um, muscular fatties are, well, muscular, and fatty. Yeah. Let's go with that.

ANYWAY…

The female…man, took up his, uh, her mace, and began to beat Kilik. She rose the mace up to strike, then Kilik ripped off a bystander's arm, and began to fight.

He narrowly dodged the blow, then slapped the female man with the arm.

"OH POTATOES!" she yelled, and then disintegrated.

"Hey!" That guy hit a girl, who looks like a man!" said a guy. "According to the official muscular fatty rulebook, it is illegal to hit girls that look like men." "It's okay if they're regular ones." "Ones that look like men turn us on." "So, uh, let's kill that guy who disintegrated the female man that turns us on!"

The muscular fatties, (I think I've overused that, so now I'll call them, um, Majellins)(like a felon) The Majellins charged at Kilik, and began beating him with pancake mix.

"NO!" "NOT AUNT JERAMIAH'S!" "It tastes great, BUT I'M ALLERGIC!" "NOOOOOO!"

"Soon after, Kilik had took his last breath.

"I'm taking my last breath." He said

After that, Kilik died.

"I died." He said.

Kilik then reappeared standing again.

Hooray! Said a voice. "Round 2!"

Round 2 started, and the Majellins started to beat Kilik again.

He died again.

"Dang it!" he said. "I died again."

Talim and Mina followed Darth Vader very closely, for he moved quickly, for an old guy who got his limbs cut off by Obi-Wan.

ANYWAY…

He led them to a grayish platform, and stopped.

"Why did we stop?" Mina asked.

"Join me, children." Said Vader. "Join me on the dark side." "We need a couple of hot girls on the dark side." "Seriously, I was taking roll call for the Vader posse the other day, and there was only me, and that old guy that killed Mace Windu." "We need hot girls."

"Mmmm." said Talim. "Interesting proposition." "What's the catch?

"Umm, your free will, perhaps?" answered Vader.

"Okay, sure." Answered both of the munchkins.

OMG! I actually wrote a semi long chapter! I should get like, a medal, or something. I'm so happy. Oh, I got Soul Calibur 3, and it's SEXY! I created an oompa-loompa army! And their SEXY!

Yeah. So, that's chapter 6 for you. Yes.

Don't tell, I was supposed to be doing my math homework, but I didn't feel like it, and wrote this. I feel bad now.


	7. The Vader posse:2nd worst chapter

Hey hey hey!

Welcome again to my newest chapter! What is this, 7? Anyway, the point is, my story will guarantee happiness to you. And if you aren't turned on by this…crappy story, well, um, I dunno.

ANYWAY…

I got a couple reviews from my last update. (Couple, meaning one) Apparently, some guy wants me to put Yoshimitsu in my story. He also wants me to mention that Astaroth wears a thong. So, Yoshimitsu's gonna have a cameo. Yay cameos!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**THIS IS THE SECOND WORST CHAPTER I HAVE WRITTEN. ENJOY!**

Also, I got Soul Calibur 3, and everything is different. I'm going to have a few plot twists to make it fit in with SC3.

So, the story continues…

"Look at me!" said Astaroth. "In SC3, I'm a big red guy who talks in complete sentences!" "But right now, I'm a tub of lard who can't talk!" "Look!" "There's a giant pool of electric needles!" "I think I'll jump in now!"

"Oh look!" "A night school!" "I think I'll take some lessons right now!"

"Hooray!" "I'm completely Soul Calibur 3-atized!" "Yay!"

And that was plot twist number one.

"Well, here it is!" said Vader. "The official Vader Posse Headquarters!"

Mina, Talim, and Vader stepped in.

"Why is everything so dark?" Mina asked.

"As soon as you sign the "I am part of the Vader Posse club, and I say death to the Rebels" contract, your eyes will be opened, and you will see the dark side." "Now sign here."

Mina and Talim then signed the contract, and sure enough, they saw everything in the clubhouse. There was a podium, three chairs, and a butchers shop. And standing next to Vader, was Chancellor Palpentine. Better known as Darth Sidious. Heh. He's got the hood, and stuff.

"Why do you have a butcher's shop in the middle of your, um club?" Talim asked.

"Question the leader and DIE!" Sidious yelled. He then backhanded Talim, and was knocked unconscious.

"Hey!" Mina exclaimed. "You backhanded her, and knocked her unconscious!"

"Yes." answered Sidious. "I backhanded her and knocked her unconscious." "You to can do that too when you learn…the force."

"The force?" Mina questioned.

"The force." answered Sidious.

"The force?" Talim asked, as she got up from the ground.

"YOU!" "SHUT YOU #$!ING MOUTH, FOOL!

Sidious backhanded Talim again, but this time, he used the force.

The force? Mina asked.

Talim flew back into the wall; it shattered. She then lay there motionless.

"Wow." said Mina. "How can I learn…the force?

"You can learn the force, when you join my five week force training program!"

"YAY!"

Later…

"Okay." Said Vader. It's time for Vader Posse roll call." "Palpentine?"

"Here."

"Talim?"

"Here."

"And, Seung Mina, no wait, that's how you say it in Soul Calibur 2, due to crappy translation!" "I know, I read stuff on the internet." "I'm internet-tastic!" "We must now 3-atize your name!"

"Japanese guy!" "Come here!"

"Translate this name right here, and then uh, call Namco crappy translators."

"That's, uh, Seong Mi Na, and , um, you suck at translating. Namco."

The Japanese guy vanished into a puff of smoke.

And that was plot twist number 2.

**HEY EVERYBODY! THIS CHAPTER SUCKS SO FAR! IT SUCKS!**

Anyway, they took role, and sat down.

"Look at me!" said Yoshimitsu. "I'm Yoshimitsu!"

Yoshimitsu then disappeared. I hope your happy now, guy who wanted Yoshimitsu.

**Okay, you know what? This chapter sucks. And since everybody wants me to do something that I didn't want to do, I'm just going to stop this chapter right now, and do a soap opera chapter next. So, I hope your all happy.**

**Fags.**

That concludes chapter 7. No go away.


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